Self Sabotage: How to get out of your own way so you can find Happiness and Success.

Self Sabotage is defined as behaviors that create problems and interfere with long-term goals.

How many times have you wished for something,  worked hard at it,   and then quit?  So many of us set off to accomplish great things and have high expectations for the outcome,  but never see it through.

Why is that?

Could it be self sabotage?

You’re probably reading this and thinking how can I sabotage myself if it’s something that I want for myself?  Well,  it’s possible and quite common.

Sometimes life can be hard.  The experiences that we go through in life can either make us stronger or create doubts and insecurities.  Unfortunately,  these self doubts and insecurities are not conducive to success and finding happiness.  They create inhibitions that interfere with progression and success.

Self doubts can come from many types of experiences.  They can come from bad experiences as well as what we’ve been conditioned to think are positive ones.

Let me explain.

Self Sabotage

When we experience bad things we never forget it.  We set up walls and guards around us to protect ourselves from experiencing those things again.  But,  it’s not just bad experiences that create self-doubt.  Self doubt can come from the way we have been conditioned to think.  If you grew up in a house hold where you were taught that success is a nice car,  large home,  and a great 9-5 then self-doubt can come when you reach for anything outside of that.

For instance,  how many of us dream of becoming business owners but are terrified because we don’t want to leave the security of that great 9-5?  The fear that is created from stepping into the unknown probably comes from the fact that you’ve been conditioned to believe that anything else is a risk.

Therefore,  negative emotions and ideas that were formed from the past need to be acknowledge and dealt with.  We’re incapable of succeeding when our minds won’t allow us to.

Self Sabotage Culprits

Baggage      

The negative experiences that we encounter are one of many contributors to self-destruction.  The emotional walls we build for protection are the same walls that keep us trapped inside and away from happiness.

A great example of baggage is failed relationships.  I don’t know anyone who has not experienced a bad relationship.  Unfortunately,  many of us develop baggage that we carry with us from bad relationships to new relationships.  Because we do this,  we unconsciously ruin new relationships with the baggage we carried into it from the last.

We’ve either built up a wall and won’t allow anyone in or we let them in,  but ruin it by looking for behaviors from the last relationship that don’t exist in the new one.   The distrust you’ve developed is sabotaging your new relationship and will eventually cause another failed relationship.

A bruised heart will never heal if we don’t let go and forgive.  So,  you have to forgive in order to trust again.  Don’t allow baggage to ruin your chances at happiness.

Fear

Fear is a dirty little “four letter” word.  It brings an enormous amount of self-doubt and anxiety.  Fear of failure,  fear of being inadequate,  even fear of  succeeding.  It stifles growth and also has a lot to do with life experiences and the unknown.

Fear of the unknown is big for most of us.  Sometimes I find myself sitting alone contemplating an endless list of “what if’s.”   What if it doesn’t work?  What if I embarrass myself?  What if I forget something?

Sound familiar?

Well,  you’re not alone,   we’ve all done this before.  That’s how strong fear is.

But guess what?  You’re stronger.

[mks_dropcap style=”letter” size=”45″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#000000″]”Fear is only an emotion that comes and goes,  it can only hurt you if you allow it to keep you from succeeding.”[/mks_dropcap]

In order to overcome fear you have to change your mindset.  You have to know that yes there is a chance of failure,  but there is also a chance that you will succeed.   You should also know that even the most confident people  experience fear.  The advantage they have is that they have come to look at fear differently.   They believe that fear is only an emotion that comes and goes and it can only hurt you if you allow it to keep you from succeeding.  They’ve changed their mindset.

Never let fear sabotage you again.  Change your mindset and change your life.

Nay Sayers/Believe in Yourself

Last on our list of self sabotage culprits is “Nay Sayers”  Nay Sayers are negative people who speak doubt and failure into your life.  You know the ones.  They question if you’re sure you want to make such a move.  They project their fears on to you and discourage you from doing things that you what to do.

Well,  here’s a thought.

Stop sharing your big dreams with people whose dreams don’t soar as high as yours.  They’re not ready to soar as high as you want to go and can’t imagine doing so.  You don’t need validation to proceed with your goals and aspirations.  They’re YOUR dreams and yours alone.

It’s time to start believing in yourself.

You can start doing this by finding like-minded people and people who are flying even higher.   With this new approach you will learn more and reach new heights.

Once you address the self sabotaging culprits in your life success and happiness are sure to follow.

photo credit: yvainethefallen Melusine – gently via photopin (license)

photo credit: Grazia Mele Carlotta via photopin (license)