Are you a People Pleaser?  Why you should change your People Pleasing behavior Now!

Hello all you beautiful “People Pleasers.”  You are all extraordinary caring selfless people and I want to say that I love your spirit.  You have such beautiful giving souls.

Do these traits sound familiar?   Do you have People Pleasing behaviors?  Keep reading to find out if this person may be you.

The Behavior

The behavior of People Pleasers are easy to recognize.  They are always on the go.  They never say no and are always willing to help.  They seem to always have too much on their plate,  but they are always accommodating.  They’re also afraid of disappointing people and they say “I’m sorry” often.

I am very familiar with these behaviors because I am a recovering People Pleaser.  I use the term recovering because putting others before yourself is natural for People Pleasers and it is a struggle everyday not to revert back to those people pleasing ways.  

Why you should change

So, you’re probably thinking why would anyone change this type of behavior?  Isn’t caring and giving great traits to have?  Yes,  they most certainly are great character traits, but only when done without a price.  You see,  People Pleasers pay the high price of self-sacrifice.

It’s stressful

A People Pleaser says yes even when they really want to say no.  They agree because they are afraid to disappoint anyone or be disliked.  They are always busy and on the go because they are always doing for others while still having to meet their own responsibilities.  And,  because People Pleasers do not wish to disappoint others,  their own needs suffer.

When a People Pleaser can not meet their own needs and obligations life becomes hectic.  With a hectic life,  things can become overwhelming and with this comes stress.

I use to find myself feeling stressed about simple things.  Always  trying to figure out how I was going to complete all of my task while keeping promises I made to others.

How many times have you made a promise to help  someone or maybe attend an event knowing that you had other obligations?  Why didn’t you decline?  Why not just say, “I have other obligations and I can’t do it?”

I tell you why.

It’s like an addiction

It’s because People Pleasers are addicted to pleasing others.  We’re addicted to the feeling we get when we make others happy.  Some of us like being liked.  Having the feeling of being the “Go to person” is appealing to People Pleasers because they get a sense of importance.  This leads to those of us who hate the feeling of disappointing others.

We feel sorry when we think we’ve let others down and we find ourselves always apologizing.  So,  like a drug we want  that happy feeling back and we then agree to make it up to those we have perceived as being disappointed with us.  It’s a never-ending cycle that needs to end.

Benefits of changing your behavior.

You will feel less stressed

When you don’t have the added pressure of keeping impossible promises and responsibilities of other people,  your life becomes so much simpler.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed with double the responsibilities you can now focus on yourself.  You will have more time on your hands to meet your own obligations,  which means less stress and more time for fun activities.

You will weed out the users in your life

So,  here is the thing about being a People Pleaser.  Users and takers can see you coming a mile away.  They will latch themselves to you and continue to take as long as you’re giving.  By stopping your People Pleasing behaviors your circle will become smaller.  Why?  Well you will find that those type of people will no longer have a need for you.  They will drop like flies only after accusing you of not being the same person.  Listen,  real friends don’t use you.  Friendships should never cost anything.

You will be happier.

Yes,  your happiness level will rise.  You are no longer worried about being disliked or fulfilling promises you shouldn’t have made,  because you no longer have a problem saying, “No.”  And,  because you’re comfortable with saying no,  you have more time to do the things you really want to do.  Like spending time with people who love you and doing things that bring you joy.

[mks_pullquote align=”left” width=”300″ size=”24″ bg_color=”#919191″ txt_color=”#ffffff”]”When you say “Yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “No” to yourelf.”…..Paolo Ceohlo[/mks_pullquote]Listen it’s’ ok to be a caring and giving person.  But,  you must learn to love and care for yourself first.   This quote by Paolo Coehlo sums it all up…..”When you say “Yes” to others,  make sure you are not saying “No” to yourself.”

photo credit: Jerome Olivier sacrifice via photopin (license)