Confession#2
I’m afraid of losing my Joy
I’m always on guard. Always looking out, watching my step, and being careful of being surprised. Some say I’m paranoid. But am I?
I feel like I’m always being chased and stalked for what I possess. I know that what I have is valuable and I’m going to guard it with my soul. But, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid, afraid of losing my joy.
JOY
I was given joy as a birth right and held on to it loosely not knowing that it could be taken. I had no idea that joy could be snatched from my grips and go missing. So, I pleasured in joy without fear of losing it and I was carefree until my teenage years. That was the first time I lost joy to insecurity.
You see, those were the years that what others thought and said about me affected my joy. I was always worried about the negative things being said, so I stayed away from what brought me joy in order to fit in and joy was lost. Then, I found joy again in my 20’s.
In my 20’s life was carefree again. By then, I had gotten over what people said about me and didn’t care much because I realized that those who said negative things were never friends. I had found myself and Joy stuck to me like glue. I was happy.
Later, I would have kids, loose loved ones, and reach goals. Joy came and went like a thief in the night. It was unpredictable. Sometimes it came into my life and brought so much happiness that I felt it would never leave again. And sometimes, it left so abruptly that I thought I couldn’t bare its departure.
Joy Comes in the Morning
Joy comes in the morning. I figured this out in my latter years and made friends with Joy. I’ve learned it’s ways and how it moves. So, we move together and we dance through life like there’s no tomorrow. And what I’ve learned, from my relationship with joy, is that sometimes Joy has to leave because life cuts in on our dance and Joy doesn’t like it. So, it goes off to reset and when I look up again It’s back for another dance.
Joy can be fickle that way, but time has thought me that it’ll always return. Nonetheless, I’m still afraid of loosing joy and I do everything in my power to keep it.
And, you should too. Fight for your relationship with joy everyday.
Love,
Toni