An Introvert’s Guide: to overcoming Shyness.

Are you an Introvert?  Have you heard these (Whispers) before….. “she keeps to herself,”  “she’s a quiet person,” “She’s not very outgoing.”   

If your answer is yes,  then you are probably an Introvert.   But,  before we dive in let’s talk about the title.  An Introvert’s guide to getting over shyness.  Have you labeled yourself as being shy because you’re an introvert?  If you have that stops today,  because being and introvert and being shy is not the same thing.

Shyness means being uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations and all of us have been there.   Both Introverts and Extroverts experience moments of discomfort in new situations,  it’s quite common.  So,  what makes you an introvert?  Introverts are not shy they just don’t like socializing.

Introverts

Introverts are more comfortable with being by themselves.  You are fine with sitting on a nice comfy couch with a book,  more likely to think and assess before leaping,  and you like more intimate forms of socializing because you like deeper connections.  You’re deep thinkers,  great listeners,  and you prefer quality over quantity.

When an Introvert is in a small intimate party with good meaningful conversation,  you shine!  But,  when met with large crowds with people making small talk and networking you’re star doesn’t shine a bright.  It’s ok,  socializing in big crowds and networks is not your thing,  but you can learn to be more comfortable with it.  And you can start here.

An introvert’s guide to overcoming shyness socializing

Repel negative thoughts

The first step to An introverts guide to overcoming shyness socializing is to repel negative thoughts.  Are they going to feel my awkwardness?  Can they see my discomfort?  I know they can tell that I’m uneasy.

Don’t let your mind make up a story that doesn’t exist.  When you do this you make yourself nervous and uneasy.  There is no threat,  but you’re negative thoughts are creating one.  Repel them!  Once you Repel those negative thoughts you can get on to showing how wonderful you are.

Do it anyway

Yep,   that’s what I said,  do it anyway.  I’m here to tell you the truth and repelling negative thoughts is not easy.  It will take several attempts and a lot of talking to yourself before you actually believe it and at some point you’ll tell yourself don’t go.

Go!  Do it anyway.  The more you are exposed to a stimulus the less threating it becomes.  In layman’s terms,  the more you put yourself out there the more comfortable you will become at doing so.   And eventually,  you will gradually feel less awkward in similar situations.

So,  do it anyway you need the exposure.

Be prepared

When you step out into unfamiliar outings be prepared.   You can do this by always having conversation topics in your back pocket.  What do I mean by that?  I mean practice.  Think about topics before you go.

For example,  if it’s an associates gathering with people you don’t know always ask open ended questions.  You know,  questions that require more than a yes or no answer.  Like how do you know _____?  and What do you think about _____? or Why is it so hard to_____?

I suggest staying away from politics and religion because sometimes those topics can become a little sticky which can add to discomfort.  HOW,  WHAT and WHY are your best friends so bring them along.  Make sure the topics you chose are relatable to the audience and viola you’re making small talk.

It will be awkward at first,  but people love talking about themselves.  So,  just keep the questions coming.

Embrace Awkwardness

We all deal with feeling awkward from time to time and that includes extroverts.  The only difference is that those who thrive and seem more comfortable socializing have learned to embrace awkwardness.

They know that uncomfortable feeling well and have accepted that it’s going to feel that way in the beginning,  but they also know that it will pass.  They are ok with allowing themselves to feel vulnerable for a few minutes until the awkwardness passes.  And you will too once you decide to embrace feeling awkward.

Learn to embrace awkwardness and you will be well on your way to becoming a social butterfly.  While you’re pondering over what you’ve read,  remember this

[mks_highlight color=”#b6d6a0″] “everything that is learned can be unlearned and learned again.”………-Toni Jones [/mks_highlight]

 

Love,

Toni

photo credit: vision63 sharron via photopin (license)