How fairytales fail us and keep us from finding our soulmate.

How fairytales fail us and keep us from finding our soulmate.

How fairytales fail us and keep us from finding our soulmate.

Fairytales!  We all love them.  Most of us grew up with stories like Cinderella,  Beauty and the Beast,  and Snow White.  These are all very popular fairytales in America that most little girls grew up loving.

Today,  Disney still makes a lot of money marketing these same fairytales to a new generation of little girls.   And just as we where then,  they are all in love with the phrase “happily ever after.”

Happily ever after is the phrase used at the end of most fairytales which often involve a knight in shining armor who comes to save the day.  Now,  I loved the happily ever after just as much as you did however,  why did it always involve a man saving the day?

I mean, that’s certainly ok, but how did this affect our thinking as women?   Were we thought that in order to find happiness we need a man to provide it?

Let’s take a look at how we may have been affected by fairytales.

#1  Tall, Dark, and Handsome

In all fairytales the knight in shining armor is always the tall, dark, and handsome type.  He’s Mr. wonderful.  Funny thing is most times he wasn’t the lead in the story he was just the eye candy that saved the day in the end.

Well,  I think seeing these types have made all of us just a tad bit superficial when it comes to the package of our soulmate.  We’ve all dated a bad boy or two because of the tall, dark, and handsome syndrome.  But,  how did that work out?  Not very well for most of us.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.  The package is not as important as compatibility,  but you live and you learn.   Right?

#2  The Man should initiate Romance

I actually use to be guilty of this kind of thinking.  Yes,  I confess.

I use to get so upset if the man in my life did not initiate romance.  Well,  why does it have to always be the man who initiates?  Look,  I have been accused of being somewhat old fashion and I’m willing to admit that I may be.  But,  I think that romance needs to be initiated by both people in the relationship.

Ladies,  men love when we are the ones who initiate romance.  It shows them that you’re still in love with them and they love that.  Not to mention, a lot of men don’t have a romantic bone in their bodies, but by doing romantic things for them you are secretly showing them the way.

Sneaky?  I know but, it works!

#3  He should know what you want

Ok,  this one drives me crazy!  So many of us believe that our men should know what we want.  Well, guess what,  unless your man is a psychic he doesn’t know.

I have had countless conversations with girlfriends,  coworkers,  and associates about this.  And believe it are not, most of them get angry if their partner doesn’t know what they want.

For example,  it’s Christmas and your mate gets you jewelry.  You know it’s jewelry because you’ve hinted all year that you like and want jewelry.  You open the box and it’s hideous!  It’s not something you would have picked out and you hate it.

But,  you never tell him that this piece isn’t your style and you pretend that you like it because you don’t want to hurt his feelings.  Your bae thinks he’s done and great job because you’re so happy.  So,  he continues to buy this type of jewelry that you hate. 

“Tell him, show him, talk to him,  he won’t know unless you tell him.”

Who’s fault is that?  I’ll wait….

He’s not a mind reader.  Tell him, show him, talk to him,  he won’t know unless you tell him.  He’s not a psychic.

#4  He’s responsible for your “Happy ever After”.

Last but certainly not least,  fairytales make us believe that we will find happiness from a relationship.  So many of us believe that we have to be in a relationship to be happy.

The guy gets the girl,  they ride off into the sunset,  have a family and life is grand.

This is not the way it has to be.  Everyone’s story is not the same.  You don’t have to be in a relationship to complete your story and no one has the power to make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself first.

No one is responsible for your happiness,  but you

Even if you’re in a relationship and the union is a good one,  if you don’t feel satisfied with the person that you are,  happiness will continue to evade you.

No one is responsible for your happiness,  but you.  A man can only enhance your life not complete it.  So,  don’t let the idea of the fairytale ending mislead you into thinking that a relationship is the answer to “happy ever after.”

Look,  I still love happy every after fairytales and that won’t change.

But,  I think that I prefer the newer fairytales like Mulan and Tiana (The princess and the frog) who made their own happiness and still got the guy!

Think about it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Toni

I am a wife, mom, blogger and true believer in creating your own recipe to making life sweet!

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