Relationships, Guilt, and Starting Over: Do you feel obligated to Stay?

Relationships.  We all have history in bad love relationships,  or friendships and often times leaving bad relationships is a very hard decision to make.  Sometimes we feel obligated to stay or we feel guilty about leaving.

But,  when the relationship is causing you pain, grief, self-doubt, confusion, and unrest it’s time to end it.  If the relationship is one-sided and abusive it’s time to end it.  If the relationship is making you a different person and you no longer recognize yourself it is definitely time to end it!

Sometimes the other person in the relationship can manipulate you to the point of making you feel guilty about leaving.  But, you have to ask yourself if you’re receiving the same effort from the other person that you are putting into the relationship.  Are you getting the same loyalty that you show to the other person?

The loyalty that you have learned to show is not for everyone, it’s only for those who deserve it.

Ask your-self these questions.

Am I feeling obligated to Stay?

If the answer is yes.  Ask yourself Why?

Is it that you don’t want to seem mean or disloyal?

Well,  I promise that the relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable or sad is not worth your loyalty.  And,  If you’re trying to be the nice guy you’re going to pay for it with your peace of mind.  Listen, the person who is causing you all these problems is not interested in loyalty.  They’re interested in self gain and selfishness.  Let it go.

You should always expect the same treatment as you give to others.  And,  if you are giving a relationship your all and not receiving the same in return.  It’s time to go!

Feeling attached to something familiar?

Ok,  I have to admit I have been guilty of this many times over.  We get comfortable with what’s familiar to us.  Whether it’s a routine, a place to go, or even a horrible job.  There is an odd comfort in familiarity.  It’s easier when we know what to expect whether it’s good or bad.

Sometimes it’s harder to leave a relationship because of being afraid of the unknown.  Well guess what?   If you’re in a relationship filled with self-doubt, not knowing where you stand from one day to the next, or feeling confused,  you’re already dealing with the unknown.  It’s time to get out!

Not wanting to start over?

This leads to the last question.  Are you still in a relationship because you just don’t want to start over?  Listen,  I get it.  Who wants to start the process of meeting new people?  Then, there’s the time and effort to get to know them.  And I mean,  what if they’re not a fit with your personality.  Now, you have to start the process all over again.

Well,  you should want to find the best compatible friends,  and love relationship.  Why?  Because you deserve it.  You deserve happiness with people who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.  We all do.  And if the process takes longer than expected,  so be it.

You deserve relationships that help you to grow and nourish your soul.  You should want relationships that add to your happiness not take away from it.  So what if it takes a while.

So, in the mean time work on you.  Do things that you have always wanted to and get to know yourself better.  Become more comfortable in your own skin.  Get comfortable with being you and learn what makes you happy.  You don’t need others to do this for you.  You are the keeper of happiness in this life and your happiness should never depend on others.

photo credit: YanivG Unleashed via photopin (license)