Love: Finding your Mate in your 30’s and 40’s

Finding love isn’t complicated,  but finding the right mate and maintaining a relationship is.  This becomes even more difficult as we age or does it?

Are you someone who is still waiting on the love of your life?

Or maybe you’re the person who found love and lost it.

Perhaps,  you’re the person who found love only to be disappointed in finding it wasn’t the right love?

I’m sure we all have fallen into one of these categories at least once in our lives or maybe even twice.  It just doesn’t work out and it seems like we’re the only one who can’t find love.  So you start to wonder and ask yourself, ” is it only me?”  “Everyone else around seems to find their beloved so why can’t I?”

It may seem like you’ll never find the right one, but this isn’t true.  You will find your mate,  but before you do there’s a few things that needs to happen first and they all start with you.

Things that need to happen before finding your Mate.

Let go of baggage.

By the time we have reached our 30’s and 40’s life has dealt us both good and bad hands in relationships.  Sometimes the bad was so bad that we tend to carry it into the next relationship.  Some of us build a wall of false protection around us because we’re scared of being hurt.

Insecurities are created when we look for things that aren’t there and we try to protect ourselves from being hurt again.  Well, this type of behavior is self sabotage.  You will never find your mate by building walls and expecting your partner to do wrong.

We have to remember,  this is a new person.  It is not the person who hurt you before and if you treat them like they are,  the relationship will surely fail.  No one wants to deal with having to pay for someone else’s faults.

Do yourself a favor and recognize what you’re doing and change it.  The only way to do it is to open your heart and love freely.  Take a chance!  And remember this,  a broken heart heals but a mind that can’t let go of baggage never does.

Have fun, don’t be so serious.

Have fun!  This is not the time to be so serious.  This is the time to let go and be yourself.  Your true mate is someone who will accept you,  all of you.  No matter how silly or quirky that may be.  The sooner you let go,  the sooner your new love will also.  This allows you to get to know them from the inside out.

Do things together that you love doing and make sure to include the things that they love too.  In a relationship it’s give and take.  No one person takes precedence over the other.  If this is your mate you need to make sure that you can handle their special kind of crazy.

Wait,  did you think that doesn’t include you?  Well guess again.  Yep,  you too have a special kind of crazy.

At this age we have all develop certain set ways that not everyone will be able to deal with.  Can you believe that?  Ha!

Well,  this is the time to find out if you can deal with each other’s crazy.   So,  don’t be so serious, have fun while finding out what those set ways are.

Don’t worry about that imaginary ticking clock.

Ok ladies,  let’s start with you.  By your 30’s and especially in our 40’s we are watching that imaginary clock.  We’re not only watching,  but we’re worried about it.

We’re watching our girlfriends get married all around us,  we’re attending baby showers and may even have nieces and nephews by now.  Then,  there’s those medical people who say research say’s we’re entering the high risk zone when it comes to pregnancy.

What about you men.  You’ve now got your finances and career together and now you’re all in.  You’re just waiting on the right girl to come along.  But,  it seems that the right ones have already settled down.  You’re ready for a family and you want to be able to be young enough to throw the ball around with junior.

The worst thing about it all is that whether you are a man or a women your family and friends are asking When?  You’re mom and dad want grandkids and your friends don’t want to see you alone.  And no matter how many times you tell them you’re fine they just won’t believe it.  I’ve been there and done that and it sucks.

Listen,  forget that darn clock.  It doesn’t exist.  Your path is your path and it is no one else’s.  You’ve come to this point because it’s how your life is suppose to go.  Ladies,  today women have healthy thriving babies into their 50’s advances in medicine have made it so.  And guys your health is in your hands you control it.

There’s no need to rush.  Take your time finding your mate so that the family that you’ve been waiting for never falls apart.  Watching that imaginary clock may make you rush into a relationship that’s not right for you.

The Wrapping around the Package may not be what you expected.

Lastly,  the wrapping may be a little different from what you normally look for.  Ok,  let’s face it we all have preferences when it comes to who we find ourselves attracted to.  Something that we probably developed in our late teens or early twenties.

We want them to be a certain height, build, hair color, etc.  Maybe you want a person that comes from a big family or a person who has the same education as you do.  We’ve all developed a list, whether consciously or subconsciously we’ve all done this.

So, let me ask you a question?  How’s that working out for you?  I’ll wait……….

Listen,  now that we are older it’s time to make a non-superficial list that will bring us the best LIFE MATE possible.  I’m not saying you should date someone you’re not attracted to.  No,  attraction is important.  But,  what I am saying is that if you’re sitting on a list that has only physical traits,  you’re in trouble.

At this age we need to find someone we can grow old with.  Not someone who is only physically attractive.  You see,  when the shell fades all you’re left with is what’s on the inside and if it’s rotten your relationship is going to stink.  Sorry if that was to blunt,  but it’s the truth.

So,  open your heart to the date that may not be the perfect build.  Do you enjoy working out together?  Problem solved!  What about the date who isn’t as financially stable?  Are they working towards something,  do they show potential and drive?  Problem solved!

The goal is to find someone who has your same attitude,  someone who will make a great companion,  who wants the same things out of life as you do.   Those are the things that make a Great LIFE PARTNER.  Not what’s on the outside,  but what’s on the inside.

Take your time

Finding a Mate in your 30’s and 40’s may seem like something that will never happen.  But,  it will.

Just remember to take your time and make sure that while you’re waiting you are enjoying life.

photo credit: vivastudioUK DSC_4338 via photopin (license)