Marriage Talk: You’ve got the ring…..but did you have the talk? How to stop common marriage problems before they begin.

Congratulations!  You’re getting married.  This is one of the biggest milestones of your life.  There’s lots of planning to make everything right for the big day and you’re making sure that everything is perfect.

You’ve got the ring,  the dress,  and all your bridesmaids in order.  Your dream venue has an opening and you’ve booked the date!  You’ve  chosen the invitations,  the photographer,  and videographer.  Your list is almost complete,  but you’re missing something.  One major thing.

Have you and your soon to be spouse talked about expectations in your soon to be marriage?

No?

This is the one thing that many couples seem to skip on their way to the altar.  We’re so caught up in the production of the wedding that we simply don’t think about what marriage is going to bring.

Marriage brings change and with change comes expectations.  Expectations from two individuals that needs to be talked about and agreed upon.

So,  where do you begin?

Let’s talk.

Expectations

You and your soon to be spouse need to talk about what you expect from one another in the change that is going to come.  There are certain key subjects that need to be discussed by all couples.  Some things will come unexpectedly,  but these subjects are timeless and never change.

let’s take a look.

Kids

Do you want kids?  How many?  When?

Many couples never talk about having kids.  Most of us just assume that marriage means kids in the future.  But,  guess what?  Some people don’t want kids and if you both want kids have you talked about how many?

He came from a big family and wants that same life with you.  But,  you also come from a big family and remember how your mom was always busy.  And because of that,  you don’t want a big family because you need time to nurture your career.  So,  one or two seems like the right fit.

See how what you two had in common, a big family background,  produced two different outlooks.

What about timing?  Are you going to wait a while or start a family right away?   Are you going to have them two years apart or back to back?  How are you going to raise them?  Do you both believe in spanking?  Who is the disciplinarian?  What about religion?  You’re catholic and he’s Baptist.  Who’s church do you bring the kids to?

All these things matter and if not talked about can cause big problems in your marriage.  These questions effect the both of you and the life you want to lead.

Chores

He’s a neat freak and you’re….let’s say,  more relaxed when it comes to chores.  He also believes certain chores should be done by men and others by women.  But,  you’re more modern and believe that everyone should pitch in on all chores.

Now,  I know this may seem like something you can just work out when it happens.  But,  you will be surprised at how quickly it will happen.  Sharing a space with someone is no easy task.  If you’re use to doing things when you feel like it and he’s use to doing it daily,  sharing a space with each other will be a headache if you don’t talk about it.

Sit down and be honest about your behaviors.  Then,  compromise,  make out a plan,  and stick to it.  You don’t want something like this to cause problems in your marriage.

Money

Money!  This is probably the least talked about subject when it comes to newly engaged couples.  We seem to stop at knowing what our sweet heart does for a living and how much they make.  I guess we just figure that the rest will work itself out.  Well,  it doesn’t.

So,  lets look at a few examples of money and spending?

Do you believe that after you two are married you should join accounts and only have one account?  Or,  should you both have seperate accounts?

How do you pay the bills?  Should you both pay half?

Let’s say you decide to keep separate accounts.  Your soon to be spouse wants this and he also wants to split the expenses  50/50.  That’s the way his parents did it and it work for them.

Well,  his salary is six times more than yours is.  Is it fair that you should both pay half?  I don’t think that this will sit well with you.

What if you decide to join accounts?  Your spouse makes more that you,  but he doesn’t mind because he was raise to believe this is the way it’s suppose to be.  Then,  six months down the road,  he finds out that you’re an impulse buyer and you are spending way more than what his conservative spending habits are use to.  Is this fair to him?  I don’t think so.

You have to sit down and talk about it before marriage.  Lots of couples fall victim to money woes and it sometimes ends in divorce.

Communicate

Kids,  chores,  and money are just a few subjects that need to be discussed between couples before marriage.  The bottom line is that you must Communicate about what you expect from your significant other and what is expected of you.  Never assume!

Differences can be resolved with compromise and you can still live peacefully together,  but only if you communicate.

Communication is and always will be the most important part of a marriage.

photo credit: Ava R. L&E RattleSnake via photopin (license)
photo credit: midianinja 15a Feira Preta SP • 11/12/2016 • São Paulo (SP) via photopin (license)
photo credit: what_marty_sees kitchensink via photopin (license)
photo credit: quinn.anya Blur of cash via photopin (license)