Single? Why you should never take cheating personally

Single and dating?  Looking for the perfect guy to add to your already fabulous life?  If your answer is yes,  you need to keep reading.

So,  you’re single and fabulous and you’ve worked hard at being confident, independent, and a happier you.  You’ve got it all and now you feel like you’re ready to find your Boaz.

So,  you start dating and after kissing a few frogs,  you think that you have finally found the right guy.  You’re going on dates,  he’s opening doors,  pulling out chairs,  and making sure your needs are met.

He’s Perfect!

Then,  after a few months of dating,  you’re not going out as much,  he’s suddenly unreachable with no explanation,  and you suddenly feel like you’re not the most important person in his life anymore.  Unfortunately,  after a few weeks of suspension you find out that he’s cheating.

You’re Devastated!  You thought he was the one.

You begin to think “were did things go wrong?”  Was it something I did?  Maybe I should have been more available,  may be I should have been more into the things he liked.

Wrong!

It was nothing that you did or didn’t do.

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It’s not your fault

We should never feel like we are to blame when someone cheats.  We often fall into the “what went wrong faze” and when we don’t have answers we make up some of our own.  These are common thoughts after this type of breakup,  but none of these thoughts are true.

It’s not that the other person looks better or that they have more to offer.  It’s not that you could have done more by being more attentive or more understanding.  There is nothing that you could have done differently because he was going to cheat anyway.  If not on you,  than on someone else.

Cheaters have their own agenda and unfortunately their agenda does not take your feelings into consideration.

They weren’t ready

Cheaters are not ready for relationships.  They are usually seeking to fill a void in their lives,  but have yet to figured out that no one can do that for them but themselves.

This void can manifest into a number of things like insecurity,  selfishness,  self-sabotage,  or any number of emotional problems that have not been acknowledged.  Cheaters will continue to cheat until they figured out what that void is.

So,  I want to say it again,  it is not your fault.

You dodged a bullet

You definitely dodged a bullet.  Your cheater did you a huge favor.

Cheaters  usually continue relationships as long as they can before getting caught.  Just think,  if that relationship had continued,  you may have build a life with this person.  And at some point,  the bullet you just dodge would have wounded you even deeper.  The type of wound that causes baggage and carries over into the next relationship with your true Boaz.

So,  be happy that you found out and forget about the why.   Know that,  you did nothing to deserve this,  it was him.

Just continue to be the fabulously brilliant person you are and the right guy will come soon enough.   But,  in the meantime,  continue to live your life like there’s no tomorrow.

And remember,  everyday is a new day to learn something new and add to your fabulous factor!

photo credit: sunkissedrose Off to a new start… via photopin (license)