Marriage Problems: Your Married Life is Nobody's Business. Especially your Single Friends.

Marriage Problems: Your Married Life is Nobody’s Business. Especially your Single Friends.

Marriage Problems: Your Married Life is nobody’s business. Especially your single friends.

Well,  you’ve done it.   You have walked down the aisle and now you’re a married women.  You took a vow to love,  cherish,  and support each other,  for richer or poorer,  good times and bad times.  Whether you took these traditional vows or came up with some of your own,  you and your partner are now one.

Becoming one means that you are now a team.  The moment you were married your spouse should have become the most important person in your life.  And yes,  that’s before family,  associates,  and friends.  It also means that the way you navigate life will change.  Everything that you do from this day forward affects the two of you.  So,  when you make decisions,  you now have to consider how your partner will feel about them too.  Aside from decision making there are lots of other changes that will be made as the two of you prepare for your new lives together.

Unfortunately,  there may be pushback from family and friends who are not to happy with these changes.

Family

Are you the oldest?  Perhaps the responsible one?  Or,  maybe you’re the only one?  Your role in the family usually determines your responsibilities.  The more people depend on you the harder it will be for some family members to adjust.

In many cases most of your family members understand and recognize that you’re married and that you are now responsible for your own family.  But,  a few may not.

For instance,  You may hear something like you don’t come around often enough anymore.  Or,  you may get dirty looks when you decide that you’re not attending the annual Christmas dinner because you want to have a dinner at home.



Even a compromise can be a problem.

For example,  you and your spouse have decided that you’ll spend one Christmas with his family and the next with yours.  Sounds like a great compromise right?  Well,  believe it or not,  you may still have unhappy campers who just don’t want to share you with anyone else.

Never forget that you and your spouse come first.  What the two of you have agreed on is what goes,  no matter what.  Things may be a little rough at first,  but your family loves you.  They’ll come around eventually.

Friends

You’ve had some of the best times in your life hanging with friends.  They were there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on.  The first ones you called with good news.  And,  the ones you called when it was time to unwind and hang out.

I’m sure your friends will be happy for you.  But,  you’ll find that a few of your single friends won’t understand the change that’s coming now that you’re married.  Unlike your married friends who get it because they’re in the same boat.

You’ll  have friends who don’t get the maturity that comes with marriage and planning for a family.  So,  when you say that you’re saving for a home and you won’t be going to brunch with them every weekend anymore,  you may get a side eye.  Or,  that you can’t afford this year’s annual girl’s trip because you and your spouse are planning a huge anniversary trip,  they may not get it.

It’s ok.

Most friends will get it because they want to see you happy.  And,  those who don’t will have to deal with it.  Who knows,  maybe it’s time to make more friends with whom you have more in common with.

Another change that is going to come is with the boundaries that you’ll have to set when it comes to your marital business.

Marriage Problems are no ones business

The biggest change you are going to have to make is keeping you and your spouses business private.  A mistake that many new couples make is turning to family and friends with their marital problems.

Being able to vent to someone about your frustrations can be a great way to let off steam.  But,  be careful about what you say about your spouse to family and friends.  When you vent about the things that frustrate you about your spouse or an argument you may have had with your spouse,  you or presenting your spouse in a bad light.

Remember,  your friends and family love you.  So,  if you go to them every time you and your spouse have a misunderstanding they’re going to think badly about your spouse. 

 

Remember,  your friends and family love you.  So,  if you go to them every time you and your spouse have a misunderstanding they’re going to think badly about your spouse.  Now,  after you and your spouse have apologized and made up,  your family and friends are still giving your mate the side eye.  Although the things you said were probably said in frustration,   your family and friends will remember them.

Most people understand not involving family,  but think that they should be able to talk friends.  Sure you can,  but just make sure that it is not your single friends.  Look,  most single people don’t understand marriage.  I can attest to that.  When talking to a group about situations in marriage,  single friends have completely different outlooks than my married friends.

You don’t want your single friends putting ideas in your head about what you should and shouldn’t do in your marriage.  They do not live a married life and don’t’ have to share their lives with someone else.

 

You don’t want your single friends putting ideas in your head about what you should and shouldn’t do in your marriage.  They do not live a married life and don’t’ have to share their lives with someone else.  Now,  I do have one really close friend whom I’ve been friends with since grade school.  We talk about lots of things including some marriage business.  But,  there are certain things that I will not divulge.  Certain things have to remain in the sanctity of marriage.  It’s just that simple.

So,  try talking to your spouse  before going to anyone else.  If you do turn to someone for problems that may occur in your marriage make sure it’s someone who is neutral.   Try a Marriage counselor who can guide both you and your spouse in the right direction.

Marriage problems may occur from time to time,  but remember it’s no one’s business but your own.

 

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photo credit: www.jasoncoreyphoto.com Eli & Francesca via photopin (license)

I am a wife, mom, blogger and true believer in creating your own recipe to making life sweet!

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