Friendship: Why am I secretly Jealous of my friend?
This is a tough subject for me because I have dealt with this friendship flub for most of my life. I have never completely understood it, but I have developed empathy for it. I’m talking about dealing with and being around people who are calling themselves Friends, but are secretly jealous of the person they call a friend. In this short post I want to talk about the question “Why am I secretly Jealous of my Friend?”
Why do some people feel jealously toward people they call a friend? The people they talk to regularly, hang out with, and share their lives with are the people that they are secretly wishing would fail.
They’re secretly happy that their friend’s new business failed, or their friend gained a few pounds, or even because they think he/she looks older. They’re secretly happy because their friend’s relationship ended, they got demoted, or because of anything that makes them feel like they have one up on their so-called friend. Look, this may sound silly or extreme but sadly it’s very real.
Jealousy and competition is a relationship killer and it should never come between a friendship. If you find yourself in this type of relationship try to fix it. If that’s not possible, end it. I have and still do go through this type of thing with friendships. As an older adult, I have learned that there are two levels of relationships when it comes to friendships. There are associates and there are friends. I have a lot of associates, but only a handful of friends.
Associates are people who you meet and may sometimes hangout with through friends, family, coworkers, etc You see them often and they are a part of your outer circle. However, friends are a part of your inner circle. I have only a handful of friends. The people I call friends have access to me and my personal surroundings, something that associates do not. I trust my friends with my personal feelings.
Unfortunately, sometimes friends have to be moved from my friends circle over to my associates circle because of jealously and competition. Why not just get rid of them entirely you may ask? Here’s why.
I use to feel like they were all bad or damaged people who needed to be written off. But, now I know that there is more to it than that. Life beats us up. All of us. We all cope differently. Some of us get up brush off our knees and keep moving. Some take longer to recover and some never do. Recovery time just depends on how long it takes us to recognize that we are not functioning at full potential.
When, life beats us up sometimes it changes the way we think. We even let others and our experiences affect the way we think about ourselves.
So, If you’re reading this and this person is you I’m just going to say it…. If you are Secretly Happy about or Amused by Someone Else’s Shortcomings, it’s time to Admit, Recognize, and Work on your own Insecurities.
Insecurities come from life. Either someone, something, or situation, made you think you are not good enough, big enough, attractive enough, or brilliant enough and I’m here to say that is a lie.
Move on. Your insecurities have nothing to do with the person you are putting down. Making fun of, talking about, being jealous of, and belittling someone else will not make you feel better about yourself and it certainly will not change your situation. You are the only person who can make a change.
Start by looking at yourself in the mirror and saying I am good enough, big enough, attractive enough, and brilliant enough….YOU ARE ENOUGH!
If you don’t believe that you are enough, learned to believe. Use and recite positive affirmations everyday. Repeat them until you believe them, they work! Affirmations will change your way of thinking and heal negative thoughts. Try it and let this be your first step into investing in yourself.
Don’t lose a good friend because you have not recognized your insecurities.
Work on you. You owe it to yourself.
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